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What’s a slower-moving, more traditional woman to do?Well, the first thing you can do is understand that men look for sex and find love.When women talk to each other about dating, it often feels as though there’s an elephant in the room.You skirt around it, you glance shyly at it, you might even squeeze past it to get to the snack table – but you’re never, ever, ever supposed to talk about it.
I have a lot of trouble with this instant-sex expectation, too (my gut reaction is usually more like: NO, OF COURSE I AM NOT GOING TO GET NAKED WITH YOU, STRANGE PERSON I BARELY KNOW!!
Such sexual ’norms’ have slipped insidiously into our dating culture, perhaps without us even consciously realising it. Rachel Hills, a researcher, speaker and writer whose forthcoming book The Sex Myth explores ideas around these supposed regular sexual behaviours, says, “There are a lot of people for whom three dates is much too soon to initiate sexual contact with a new person.
“But there is an expectation that you need to be sexually active very early on in a relationship – that can be intimidating for those who want to take their time.” Let me be clear: this absolutely isn’t about slut shaming or having rules about what “nice young ladies” should or shouldn’t do.
Kohl and Francoeur state that with the growing emphasis in the 1990s on safe sex to expand sex beyond heterosexual penetrative intercourse, the "home run" has taken on the additional dimension of oral sex.
Richters and Rissel conversely state that "third base" is now sometimes considered to comprise oral sex as part of the accepted pattern of activities, as a precursor to "full" (i.e. Especially if we’re lonely and sex-deprived (sex is always much more important when you’re not getting it! I’m not saying you have to like this facet of men, but at least, at this point, you can stop getting surprised or upset at it. Your opinions of it don’t matter much; it’s still going to keep on happening. You can’t be surprised by this or blame him for this. You just can’t get too upset when he tries something. He doesn’t know that he wants you to be his girlfriend yet.