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While my co-workers and I settled into our seats around the conference table, I asked an older colleague, whose children were in their 20s and 30s: “What do you say when your kid is going through a breakup? “They might get back together and then your daughter will remember everything you said and use it as a reason to get mad at you.” Everyone in the room laughed.
This woman’s daughter was in an on-again-off-again engagement.
When your adult child tells you: I caught her cheating. When your adult child tells you: I’m never going to get over this. My guess is you’ll always reflect on this with pain, but it will integrate with all your other experiences.
“Baby boomer parents are more aware of their children than their parents were of them because they see their grown kids in pictures on Instagram and Facebook.Your job as a parent is to enable your child to step back and look at the situation from a distance.As much as we want to jump in and clean up any mess our twenty- or thirtysomething children might be in, though, it’s a good idea to know when and where to draw the line — something that’s especially difficult when we see our child is suffering.In the interests of being prepared, Deutsch gives good guidance about the words that should not slip from our lips and the ones that our child needs to hear instead: When your adult child tells you: He says I’m not good enough to marry him. The ex probably is a jerk, but saying so doesn’t help. For all you know, your child is going to forgive the partner.
Your job as a parent is to enable your child to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Or there may be a whole backstory about which you know nothing. Say instead: I understand how painful this is right now.Several years back, my then-college-age daughter called me while I was at work.