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11-Feb-2020 06:46

Like most people, I knew nothing about polyamory when I stumbled into it.

I believed the false misconceptions that surround poly life.

With all of that said, I still can't help but see the irony in a gay man critiquing how someone else loves.

Love is love—isn't that what we’ve been preaching this whole time?

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I thought all polyamorous relationships are doomed to fail, with one person being left out.

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But for whatever reason, this remains a source of animosity. People in satisfying monogamous relationships don’t have reason to be angry. Do they know that an open relationship would never work for them? These are people for whom a polyamorous relationship would never work, because they struggle to believe in their own self-worth. Because of this, these insecure men think that their partner will leave them in the dust if someone comes along who seems “better,” instead of acknowledging that a person can love two individuals. Simon*, a gay man I interviewed, supports this notion; he thinks open-relationship shaming is a matter of projection. I find that there has been an increase in hypocritical slut-shaming that comes from the queer community. I think this happens because it's easier for [some queer men] to project insecurities and/or personal issues onto someone who doesn't seem to feel guilt or remorse for exploring their sexuality with other partners, than to be honest with themselves about their own desires and ‘deviant’ curiosities, polyamory among them.” 3. In my experience, the gay men vehemently opposed to open/poly life tend to be the same men who think bisexuality is a stepping stone to gay and that being transgender is a mental illness; men who don't see the value in the word "queer" and don't believe gays should be supporting the Black Lives Matter movement.

When I speak to gay men who are in satisfying monogamous relationships, they're never angered. Their perception of open/poly life isn't an isolated issue.Another man I interviewed, Rob, said he has hasn’t received much discrimination aside from a snarky comment here and there.



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