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When we were growing up, we rarely saw a college student and her mom wearing the same clothes.These days, that's commonplace—and we're not sure it's such a good thing.When this happens to women after menopause, it's often because of hormonal changes in vaginal tissue—hence the ad campaigns for vaginal estrogen. Hormones may play a role here, too, but low desire can also reflect how a woman feels about aging, her fitness level, stress, medications she is taking or problems in her relationship.Scientists used to think that men and women experienced sex the same way—in effect, a straight line from desire to arousal to orgasm.And some of the reported problems (such as difficulty with lubrication or painful sex) can be alleviated with products like water-based vaginal moisturizers or lubricated condoms as well as vaginal estrogen.It may take more time to feel aroused or reach orgasm so you and your partner might need to experiment with different and more focused forms of foreplay, as well as romantic activities to set the mood, like giving each other massages.All these obstacles to fulfilling sex converge just at the time in our lives when a lot of us were hoping that we could have a little fun after years of raising kids and running busy households.We fantasized about that empty nest and the chance to have spontaneous sex on a weekend afternoon without threat of interruption.
At some point in their lives, about 20 percent of women experience painful intercourse, a condition called dyspareunia. The pain could also be caused by another problem, such as infection, an allergic reaction or even an early warning of developing cancer.)Many women find that their libidos take a nose dive as they get older.
In the fall, a 45-year-old Courtney Cox will star in ABC's "Cougar Town" flashing a body that any 20-year-old would envy.
And then there are those photos of newly svelte Valerie Bertinelli (49) flaunting her toned abs in a bikini.
What's needed is a reasonable balance between old-fashioned stereotypes and modern hype, combined with a new understanding of what sex means to women of "a certain age." By the time they reach their late 40s or early 50s, women should be savvy enough to know that feeling sexy is a state of mind, and that a good man doesn't need a partner to look perfect in lingerie in order for her to be desirable. Women's bodies change as they get older—no matter how much yoga or liposuction they can afford. That's why the vast majority of American women over 45 are either overweight or obese.
In order to enjoy sex, you have to feel that you're sexy.
No problem—just stick to a careful diet, regular Pilates and the miracles of modern medicine.